Sundays pose the most difficult of days for me. My vulnerability before the Lord tenders a heart haggard from the trials of the week. Tuesday I returned to work. Wednesday I signed the children up for Social Security. My tears poured all over the sweet lady behind the desk. I tried to sleep my way through Thursday and Friday. A mountain of clothes piled on the laundry room floor. Dog hair had collected in the corners of the back hallway. I could muster enough energy to shed a few tears but not enough energy to tackle the mounting chores alone.
This morning I searched for Mark’s name on the healing prayer list. Why? Did I hope his name would still be listed? I am not sure what I expected to find. His name was not listed for he has already received his healing. Later, I wanted to write our family’s name on a prayer request card. My heart cried out, “Please don’t forget us.” Mark’s pain has ended but our pain runs swift and deep like a powerful river wedged between high canyon walls. We endure many rapids and yearn for the wide open river plains. Our bodies may not require a physical healing but the roil of emotions wreaks havoc on our spirit.
Today we celebrated Mark Jr.’s 21st birthday. Katie and Dad’s seat sat empty at the dining room table. Work prevented Katie from making the trip back to Pikeville. Mark Dixon requested one of his favorite meals, white wine chicken and rice. Normally, Mark and I would have worked side by side in the kitchen. I managed to pull the dinner together including the baking of a chocolate/cherry cake. Mark delighted in all things baked with sugar. In 22 years of marriage I have probably baked only 22 cakes, one for each of his birthdays.
The kids and I laughed and enjoyed memories of Dad. Although recent memories were jaded by the sickness of cancer, the children still managed to pull out funny stories and precious recollections. We talked of Mark Dixon and Randee’s wedding and of how well Mark looked and sounded. We laughed at pictures of Mark wearing his ball shorts, bright purple polo and black dress socks with slippers. Chris retold stories of Mark under the effect of the anesthesia. She had him down to a T. I wept as we watched a DVD from the wedding. Mark looked so handsome even without his trademark curls.
I witnessed hope in action tonight. Hope in laughter. Hope in tears. Hope will see us through the rest of September. Hope will journey with us through the coming holidays. Hope will take us through this next year.
Please do not forget our need for your prayers. Many times I think I can almost reach out to touch them, almost like they have form and shape. I thank you for seeing us through this difficult time.
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Your family continues to be in our prayers as you try to adjust during this long season of grief. Thank you for keeping us posted.
We are still praying for you and yours. We love you♥
Julie–
Your family are in our thoughts and prayers daily. Sharing Mark’s memory thru the eyes of your children keep him close–but we miss him so. How lucky we were to have been a part of his life and yours and how fortunate the children were to have gotten such a strong foundation from their parents.
Please wish Mark Jr. a happy birthday from the Khoshreza’s. Another milestone! We were watching old videos recently — Mark and Ali filming Colby and Mark Jr.’s nursery school graduation–you would have thought the boys had just graduated Harvard–proud papas.
Julie,
Glad to see you have posted again. Can understand how extremely difficult this is for you. I can only tell you that it will get better. I,like Anna Faye, cannot understand how those who don’t believe in God get through such times. Feel free to write your family’s name on as many prayer cards as you want for as long as you want. That’s what they’re there for. Remember that you are not alone and God is always there and so are all the others ho continue to pray for you and your children. You are not forgotten. Our love, thoughts,and prayers continue. George and Nancy
Julie,
Never think that you and the kids are forgotten. Your church family is fervently praying for you . Not a night goes by that I don’t wake in the night with you on my mind and have to utter prayers for you before sleep will return. I am sure I am not the only one. Actually I think there are legions of people that are standing in prayer for you around the clock. That is why you feel those prayers when you need them most. You are greatly loved.
Melissa Bacon and I have a hard time not seeing Mark’s name in our St. Luke Church bulletin after being in the #1 place for over four years.John Wesley said, “Prayer is the GRAND MEANS of Drawing Near to God.” Thank you for asking us to join you in this wonderful privilege.You can count me in!
You are not forgotten precious Walz family, we continue to pray for you
Thank you for your complete honesty and requests for prayer. We love you!!
Hi Julie, just wanted to let you know that we pray for you and the kids every day. We feel your pain and weep with you. I just wish we were
close by to help you in your grief and to spoil Christina and Matthew. All our love, Jerry and Pat
Julie Dear:
We continue to pray for you and your children and are lifting up the Walz family regularly during prayer request times at church. You and the family are on our hearts and minds throughout the day. Know that you are loved and that many, many friends are still with you in prayer. We only wish we could take away some of the pain and grief, but we know that only God and the passing of time can do that. It is so good that you and the children can laugh and cry together over your memories of Mark.
Love,
Frank and idella
Once we had a dear lady in our church who prayed for over forty years, every day she prayed that her husband would be saved. Three days before his death he accepted Christ into his heart. While grief stricken by his death she was happy that he was saved. She told me how hard it was to take him off her prayer list after all those years of praying for his salvation. From somewhere the answer came to me and I said, “then don’t take him off, just move his name from your request list to your praise list.” A smile came to the dear saint’s face and he remained on her praise prayer list until her death. In the same way, the wonderful life you had with Mark as husband and father can be a part of your praise prayer life for the rest of your time on earth.
Please never forget that you are still on many prayer lists both request and praise lists. Your family has come to be a part of our lives as our prayers have gone to the Father for your continued blessing. Take heart, you are never alone.
Julie,
Thanks for updating walzhope. I (and many others I am sure) check it frequently in hope that you will have been able to share your thoughts…not an easy thing.
Please know that you have not been forgotten, and that you are being lifted up before the Lord continually. The road ahead will not be easy, and I wish I could take the pain away, but it doesn’t work that way. God will be there every step of the way carrying you, embracing you, and knowing your broken heart when there are no words.
Be thankful for all those children…you will always be surrounded by family. I sent you a longer private message on facebook….and of course I’ll see you at school! I love you girl!
Dear Julie,
How sweet it is to come together as a family around the dinner table. There are so many good memories made there. I can remember when my (whole)family would set and talk for a long, long time after eating, dirty dishes and all. It still is a sweet time when the family, without their father, and I set down together and we talk of their father often with laughter and tears.
Do not, for a moment, think you’all are forgotten. You are always on my mind, in my heart and in my prayers. Blessed be the name of Jesus.
I’m so thankful, as I am sure many others are, that you made an entry. Everyone keeps up with you and we miss you when we do not hear from you.
I found some pictures recently of when you and Mark first came to First Church and we were working to try to help you get moved. They are very dear to me.
Love & Prayers always
Dear Julie,
Prayer continues for you and the children. Last night, our daughter was driving home from her 12 hr. shift at St. Joe East in Lex. and she called me as usual. Kris is now a registered nurse. Somehow, the conversation got to be The Lord’s Prayer. Then of course, Mark became the conversation and how he could sing The Lord’s Prayer and she thought no one could ever sing The Lord’s Prayer like Mark. I can hear him sing now! Julie, how he touched so many lives including ours and our children. One day at a time is what I would tell you for the moment. Cry when you need to; laugh when you can! Mark is so so missed. Continous Prayers Julie.
We Love You All
The Faulkners
Julie,
I check your post several times a day. I know you still need prayers. The entire family does. You are all in mine. You are not alone in your grief! No matter how difficult at times, you are never along nor forgotten. God has never left you. As for laundry, dust, cleaning…”there is a time for everything.” Right now, you are in the time of grief. All these other things will get done. It sounds like you are doing what you need to be doing. Take care of yourself too.
You are very much loved and cared for and thought of continually.
with much love and prayers,
Lorie
You still have them in Nashville. I want to help in other ways also, but just don’t know how this far away. Please let me know of anything I can do.
Jim
Hi Julie and family!
You have been, are, and will continue to be in our prayers! We know you do not have the energy to update the site daily, but we check almost every day just in case. We know that every day will bring with it reminders of Mark’s absence, but believe it will also bring with it new experiences of the comforting power of the Holy Spirit. The huge void in your lives seems too large to fill in. Others will help fill that, God will as well, but there will always be a place that Mark will fill even when he is absent from the body and at home with the Lord. We wish we could be there more often, but know you are surrounded by a lot of friends who are checking on you and helping carry your load. There are many more of us out here as well who are trying to do that through the mystery and ministry of intercessory prayer.
Judy and I think of you often because we still have each other and your loss of Mark reminds us of how precious each day is while life continues.
God’s richest blessings!
Steve and Judy
Hi Julie and children,
What a journey you have travelled in the past few months. You all should be wiped out! But the grace of God keeps you going, I know. You’re always in my prayers. I don’t know how anyone goes on with the Lord and friends who are lifting us in prayer. You are precious in God’s sight, and God holds you in the palm of God’s hands. God holds you close so you do not need to be afraid. I’ve ask God to bless you in these days with reminders that God is close by. I love you all.
Ric
Julie, we are also praying you you and your family. Tate and I got to see Matthew Saturday at the Academic meet. It was so good to see him!
We hope each day brings you some peace, rest, and stength.
Susan Greene
You and the kids continue to be in my prayers.. You will not be forgotten! Love you guys
Julie, as for myself, I think I have prayed harder for your family AFTER Mark’s passing,than I have since he had got “sick” again in May…because, I know that feeling of loss, helplessness, loneliness, the feeling that you’ve been forgotten…I have not forgotten you, or your precious, loving family, however, I think we, as your extended family need to show it…because I know all of you, need all of us….so, KAREOKE anyone?!:) (see, I can’t even spell it!) Or, maybe we can just go for a walk, and listen to our IPODS!! That sounds a little better to me! And I’m sure to everyone around me…Love you Jules…and I’ll be in touch to help with laundry, Gus’ hair, kitchen floors, whatever!
Julie & Walz Family,
You are in our thouhgts and prayers. I am thankful for having known Mark and the strength he demonstrated throughout the ordeal of cancer.
Thank you for continuing with the updates on Walz Hope. It helps us focus upon your specific needs in the grief and healing process.
I had to be out of town during the visitation and funeral but you were continually in my prayer for peace and comfort only God could provide.
Don’t ever think you have been forgotten……. We as well as many in your church family are still praying without ceasing. We love you, and hope something we say or do will help you in your grief. I will be happy to help with laundry, kids, cooking, or “Gus hair”. We knew when we left last night, that it was going to be a hard night for all of you celebrating and grieving rolled into one. I’ll check on you a little later. Remember, we love you and we aren’t going anywhere. You are not alone.
Julie:
Love and prayers continue from our home. I wish there was something that I could do to make things easier, but I don’t think that is possible. Please know that I am here for you always.
I love you, my special friend.
Dear Julie,
Not a day goes by that all of you aren’t in my thoughts as well as prayers. Thanks for sharing how all of you are doing.
Prayers continue daily. Prayers for God’s peace to rest with you as you go through this time of grief. Prayers that you will feel strength from knowing so many people care and hold you & family in their thoughts.
Tori
Julie,
Our prayers continue to circle the throne of God for you and the children. We will ever keep you close to our hearts. God showed me something a few years ago: “Prayer changes things, and everything is subject to change, therefore everything is subject to prayer”. I don’t know if that makes any sense to you, but it ministered to my spirit and planted a seed of hope deep in my soul. I also know that we cannot be moved by what we see or feel, only by what we believe. We believe that God is a good God and that He loves you with an everlasting love. We love you too.
Jand and Hal Blake
Julie – I WILL NOT FORGET!!!! My prayers for you and the children are even more focused. Mark has his healing – you are just beginning to find healing for your broken heart. Just feel what you feel, cry, sleep and hug your kids. I have been and am mostly off-line caring for my brother. While we were in the hospital (St. Joseph Catholic in Atlanta) One of the few times I went even to the waiting room I heard an intercom prayer time. I sat and cried as some unknown voice seemed to be praying just for us. When I returned to the room, I noticed the bells rining at 6:00. I mentioned it to the nurse. She said they play every two hours – a sacred reminder to ‘turn the patients,’ and the music is the song: “Turn, Turn, Turn.” I could instantly hear Mark’s voice in his last sermon making reference to that song. And so every two hours I was reminded to turn my thoughts and prayers toward you.
Your prayer warriors stand with you and are still praying continually! Your journey is not over.
Know that we lift you up!
Blessings and Love,
Gayle
Dear Julie,
We continue to pray for you and the children several times a day. We pray that in the midst of your loss that the prayers of so many who love you and your family will surround you
with strength, hope & the comfort of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Scott,Debbie,Hannah & Gabriel
I’m so glad to get an update. I had been wondering and praying for your family throughout this difficult time.
The Lord will see you through.
God Bless.
Hey Julie. You all continue in our thoughts and prayers. Today, I thought about a “Mark Moment” on our first VIM trip to Costa Rica. All these thoughts are a return of all Mark invested in our lives, and they cause us to think of and praise the Lord. I’m sure Mark is pleased about that. Take care.
Mike
You and your family remain in my prayers. Your husband,their father, has been healed and is in Heaven. Do not think that the burden left behind in your hearts is one to bear alone. You are all in the prayers of many people and in the arms of our Father.
Dear Julie,
I have not forgotten and I am praying. Thank you for being real to all of us!
I love you
chris
Precious Julie,
What a labor of love that must have been, the baking of the cake alone, and the birthday dinner. When you feel like it’s all you can do to put one foot in front of the other, I just pray God would pour His comforting Spirit out on you.
“May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May He send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. May He remember all your sacrifices . . . We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all your requests.”
NOT forgetting you or yours,
the Johns Family
Julie:
Chuck and I continue to lift you and the children up in prayer. I know this has been a tough week as well – I remember the old song “One day at a time, Sweet Jesus…” Thanks for continuing to share with us -
Your new and everlasting friend (A.W.) – Bonita
Hi Julie, I know you feel you have been forgotten because everyone is back in their schedules and attending to their responsibilities,but it just feels like that.Things are the same, we are all still praying for you and your kids. As I have told you ask and you shall receive, so when in need of extra help in the house, running errands,cooking , whatever, just put it out there so we will know because you are carrying a big load for one little lady. Please don’t deprive friends of helping you.If grocery money gets low,just say so and we will come bringing them in.We are family remember, all God’s children. Have a good night,Love, Forest Rose
Not sure that this is true:), but thanks for a post.
Tania
Love, prayers, peace and hope. Always.
The lady @ the Social Security office, was very kind and very helpful. I cryed as well during my experience there. It was tough and as you have figured out for yourself every step of everything you are required to do has a very emotional attachment to it. Much Prayer!
Julie,
We have definitely not forgotten you – I find myself being thankful for times with Craig and at the same moment, I whisper a prayer for you because I can only imagine how you must yearn for the other half of you. Craig was working outside the other day and kept running me to the door to bring him things – it was driving me crazy! But, in an instant, I suddenly became thankful that he was there and running me to the door. And, at that particular moment, I thought how you would be glad to run to the door for Mark. I then said a prayer of thankfulness from me and a prayer for you as you greive. You are still inspiring me even now.
You and your children are in our daily prayers.
Lora Clemens
You are bathed with prayer. I too think of Mark and what an impact he left on my life. I love you all. In Christ, Rob.
Thinking of you today as our son’s birthday approaches. He left a young family also and is buried in the Winchester cemetery, very near to where Mark was interred. Hope you are growing stronger every day and with God’s help, you will.Our thoughts, love, and prayers.
George and Nancy
Julie,
I have to tell you something that happened in our (and Mark Dixon’s & Randee’s) church last weekend. Randee & Mark Dixon may have already told you about the Reconnect Weekend we just had, and about Hal and Lisa Boehm, of Catchfire Ministries, who go all over the world and do crusades. Well, every now and then, we are blessed with a visit from them. (Hal is the brother of our choir director.) Anyway, he has the gift of prophecy. When he came and prayed for all the people who lined the altar Friday night (which was most of the church), he prayed a blessing over each one. When he came to Mark Dixon, he kept saying, “Oh, the favor of God. The favor of God is on you.” One of the ladies commented in our women’s class tonight that she remembers reading on Walz Hope that Mark, Sr. would always pray the favor of God would be upon his children.
How beautiful!
You and yours are not forgotten! We can only imagine your emotional struggles. Wish you guys could get down to see a show. That would cheer you and fill your heart with courage. Until then, we are with you in spirit and our prayers are ever with you. r&b
So disappointed that I didn’t get to see you today. Our lives are so scheduled right now but things should let up in the next couple of weeks. I hope to see you very soon and get to spend some time with you. Let me know if you are interested in a slumber party any time soon. I love you.
Wow a home cooked meal. You really know how to love your children. I would have either taken them out for dinner (Sonic) or I would have had the girls over; Aunt Gemima, Mrs. Paul, Betty Crocker just to name a few. I had no idea you had such Rachael Ray talents.
Your table may seem empty with various unclaimed chairs, but I can assure you that hundreds of your friends and family are with you you in thought and prayer each and every day. I can’t envision another family that only needs to say the word and a host of friends will be at your side for assistance. That is not power, it’s love and there’s an abundance for your whole family.
Dear Julie and kids,
You have not left my thoughts. For several years I have prayed for Mark and his family. A sister never forgets that for it is in that prayer that we learn to love one another. I still pray for you. For it has been 35 years since the passing of my father and there are moments when I still long for his physical presence and I weep.
God is your strength and you were all blessed to watch a tremendous testimony of that before for several years. In your lonliest times HE is always there. I pray for you to feel His arms around you all.
Love you all dearly,
Pam
Dearest Julie,
You and your family are loved so very much!
You are in my thoughts daily and ALL thru the day.
I awake in the mornings with you on my mind.
Always praying for you.
Debbie
Julie, and all the Walz Hope fellowship:
It seems like such a long time since I began reading the incredible posts and comments on Walz Hope.
As a cancer survivor I was praying, wishing, hoping for Mark to win his battle against this horrible disease. As a Christian, I knew that even if the fight did not result in Mark’s recovery he would win the battle by going to live with our Lord.
That knowledge didn’t soothe my heart as much as it should have when Mark passed. Not at first. But I know he is in Heaven and now I can more easily concede that God won the battle by having a soldier as courageous as Mark leave the bonds of a battered body and enter Heaven to sit beside Him.
Tonight I am praying for another friend who is fighting cancer. Her name is Susan. She lives here in Raleigh, NC. Her husband, Rick, is a wonderful caregiver. He shares that trait with you, Julie.
The cancer is in Julie’s liver and has spread to her bones. She underwent her second round of microsphere treatment yesterday.
Such a brave and faithful warrior, just like Mark, Susan is more concerned about how her disease is affecting Rick and her family and friends than it’s impact on her. And that is why I am asking the fellowshop of Walz Hope to say a prayer for Susan, and Rick.
I pray that God will allow the treatment to work, and that she can fight the bone cancer until a cure is available. I pray that she fights this battle with a heart filled with faith and love for her God, and that she will live the plan He has made for her with the comfort and peace that He knows what is best.
Please pray for Susan. Thanks to all of you who join in prayer for this wonderful woman. I know Mark would pray for her, and he knows now that you pray for her.
God bless you all.
~Cristina H, Raleigh NC
Continuing with you in prayer … love you.
Sarah
Julie: Our heart continues to break for you and the children. I can’t imagine the pain. I realize you had a lot of time to “prepare” for Mark’s homecoming, but I really don’t think one can really prepare when it is someone so close. You and Mark had such a God centered relationship and only God can help to fill the void. You will have many times of tearful outburst, and that is OK. You can’t be expected to just put all those wonderful years behind you. We will continue to pray for your family daily and please give us a call sometime. We will try to call you again sometime, and when we return home again, we will try to make it to Pikeville to spend a few hours with you. We love you.
Julie, Last Sunday we traveled to Paintsville. A dear friend of ours, Betty Weaver Rawlings, originnally from Paintsville lost her 97 year old sister and the burial was in Paintsville. Since Betty is 84 and her husband 86 we drove them for the service. It pained me to be so close to you and not be able to come and give you a hug. You and your children have been in my mind and heart constantly since we were there. I watched my own son walk through those services and could feel the pain in his heart. Mark was so special to us both and obviously to many, many others. What an impact his life had on so many. What a wonderful mate you were for him. A truly God given gift for Mark to do his ministry, raise a family, walk through his life in JOY. What a witness you and your family have been for all of us. We just pray that you are surrounded with lots and lots of God’s love and comfort during this difficult time. I wish I could come and take you to lunch. Or do a load of wash for you, or fix a casserole, or run the sweeper, or do some dishes..but I can only send all my love and prayers to you. Please take care of yourself.
Julie, You and your children are not forgotten. We know that you will have to go thru a grieving process and that will be hard. But just know that there are lots of people still lifting all of you up in prayer. And yes prayer does change things. You and your children continue to be in our prayers.
Our love and prayers always for you
Vada and Bruce
Julie, you are in our prayers. Grief takes all our energy to the point there’s hardly a desire or need to accomplish the most mundane tasks. All we can do on those days is just look unto the hills from which cometh our help… God Bless You.
Praying for you right now.
Just thinking of you today.
love ya,
sheree and sandy
I am praying for you and your family this very minute and wanted you to know it. We haven’t forgotten you.
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In truth, immediately i did understand it. But after re-reading I think i comprehend
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